Domestic Violence & Holidays

The holidays shouldn’t hurt, but for families living with domestic violence Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years can add stress to an already stressful living situation. There is the added stress of the need for extra money for gifts or travel. Extra family togetherness can cause the batterer to feel a loss of control over their victim. Some victims won’t leave the relationship during the holidays because they believe families should be together. Often people attend holiday gatherings where alcohol is readily available and consumed, leading to more problems. Even small changes in daily activities can lead to an escalation of violence.

Batterers have more opportunities to hold power and control over their victims as holidays approach. The victim may be promised the opportunity to take a trip to go see family, only to have it taken away at the last minute. A child may be promised a certain gift, only to wake up on Christmas morning to find nothing under the tree and the batterer asking, “Why do you think I would spend my money on you?” On a positive note, there are often more family members around, which may keep the batterer from harming his or her victim(s) at holiday gatherings. A batterer rarely wants witnesses, including friends and family, to see how they are treating their loved one(s). But time at home can be a time of terror for victims of abuse.

Holidays should be filled with colorful decorations, lights, family and friends, and happiness. For those living with domestic violence, they are filled with broken promises, broken ornaments, and broken hearts instead. There is no excuse for abuse. Seasonal stress is no excuse for a batterer to start or escalate abuse. Both batterers and victims may try to excuse their batterer’s behavior because “the holidays just get to him or her”, but abuse is abuse, no matter what the season. It is always wrong.

Richland County Coalition Against Domestic Violence is here to assist victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and stalking with filling out applications for orders of protection and safety planning. We hold a women’s support group and offer limited short term housing for victims and their children. Our phone number is 406-433-7421 and the office is staffed Monday through Friday, 8 am to 5 pm. We can also be reached through the hospital at 406-488-2100 and law enforcement at 406-433-2919 or 406-433-2210. We are also available to assist people in/from McCone County.